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Fuck

by Jameson Bouvier

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1.
I'm not absolutely sure that I wanna save the world I know that it's my job But I'm getting fatigued Of course I wanna help It's the right thing to do But it's so fuckin' tempting To just get up and leave Because everything I buy Was made by a child Everything I eat Kills the earth And everyone I meet Just seems like a cunt I'm starting to think that we're fucked I'm still unsure if I care Being a hero used to mean a lot But it's not my cross to bear I wanna have some dogs and a house with a fence And I wanna raise a bunch of plants That don't need much attention I wanna stop feeling like it's pointless to try Because I give a fuck I give way too many fucks And I wish that I could turn them off But I just fucking can't so I might as well face it Try to find a way to get by Because every day I work I feel like a drone Every night I drink It feels so alone And everyone I meet Just seems like a cunt I'm starting to think that we're fucked I'm still unsure if I care Being a hero used to mean a lot But it's not my cross to bear
2.
Why do you only call me baby When you're coming in my mouth If I am just a tongue to you That's not what I'm about Look at me how you Look at me when you Feel me going down Or am I a pal now You text me You sext me It makes me feel like the man And I'm supposedly crazy Assuming I'm part of your plans Well here's where I stand A line in the sand My body's a temple And now you are banned And I'm looking forward to Me probably trying again Why do you only call me baby With my head between your legs If you don't wanna hold me I can just use my computer instead I don't need to spend A date that won't end With someone I wouldn't befriend I'm not gonna bend I hear you calling Again and again and again I'm slowly falling And you think we're playing pretend Well nothing is sacred Not even me naked You still make me wait And my breath is now baited I'm tripped and frustrated and Unsatiated again
3.
I programmed a robot So I wouldn't have to feel pain Trying to make you love me Has given me a tumor inside my brain So I'm gonna leave him here He can take my place for a year If it's all the same He can do everything I can Quantum chipped to please a human He won't stray to another Nothing unresolved with his mother He's a stable boy, a delicate listener A sex toy and a beautiful whistler He won't be rude to your family He just got a Blu-ray of Amélie Best of all, best of all He has no heart You can be self-centered, cheat Or spend a couple months apart And it won't change He won't change And neither will you It's only been a week And already the robot's gone on strike He found his way back home And beamed those cold, metallic eyes Please turn me off he said I've calculated that we're all off better dead To get to be content "You have to wait a while" I told him He shook his head defeated And fell in my arms so I could hold him This life is just too hard Please recycle all my parts I refused and offered hope You'll get strong and learn to cope But it didn't work It never works And now he's a truck
4.
It makes a whole lot of sense You wanna do this by yourself Don't get me wrong I'd rather that you don't fuck someone else But if you have to That's okay And maybe I'll do the same And when it's out of our system We can try again some day I wanna live with you It's just the wrong time I wanna make kids with you It's just the wrong time I wanna be old and grey and still be Hitting on you But not right now I'm proud of how we Tried to make it work And neither of us turned Into a monster or a jerk Maybe in the future we could meet Assuming that we're still alive I don't know where I'll be next week But how 'bout twenty thirty-five I wanna live with you It's just the wrong time I wanna make kids with you It's just the wrong time I wanna be old and grey and still be Hitting on you But not right now
5.
Waiting Internet dating Meeting with a stranger Staying home and masturbating Hire me I've got no skills I'm getting by by selling pills I'm drowning in my student bills And trying not to die Fire me I'm always late It takes a while to feel awake It helps to incapacitate Before I fake a smile Where are we What have we done Thought that I'd be dead Before I'd need someone Time and time again Learning to protect my bed Waiting Mindful meditating Staying in a sharehouse Never really habitating Hire me Fucking please I make my rent with edgy memes I'm climbing avocado trees So I can feel alive Fire me I'd do the same Each conversation is a game Like can this person give me fame And are they worth the time Where are we I ask myself Thought that I'd be dead Before I'd ask for help Time and time again Learning to get out my head

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released July 2, 2019

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Jameson Bouvier Los Angeles, California

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